Anger and guilt As we progress through our grief journey, there may come a time when we feel anger and guilt. Anger is a specific feeling that hides another feeling. Usually that other feeling is sadness or hurt. Also, anger can be a defensive mechanism to help us cope. If used constructively, anger can be motivating and help prevent deep feelings of depression. For instance, it can be used to fight a cause. MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) grew out of a Mother’s desire to use her tragedy to help change the world for others.
Anger is sometimes considered the second stage of grief, although we don't always follow this specific pattern. We might think we have moved through a stage and then end up coming right back to it. Guilt or depression is anger that we have turned inward. In this case we are usually directing the anger toward ourselves. Anger is not the same thing as blame. When we turn our anger in upon ourselves, or when we turn it on to someone else, then it ends up hurting us.
If you have had no anger ever toward God, toward the person for dying, or even toward what we call "the system," or if you are turning anger inward, then it might be time to talk with someone (a minister, counselor, etc.). Understand that it is normal to feel anger. The key is to recognize anger as a familiar response to a loss and to express it in a healthy, constructive way.
Affirmation: When I experience anger, I will recognize that it is a normal part of grieving and can be used in a healthy, constructive way.
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