Home Healing from Loss Losing A PetGrief takes time to heal
by Kitty Walker, LMSW-ACP
Dear Kitty,
It has been three weeks since the sudden loss of my wonderful cat, Sparky. She was perfectly healthy and full of life. I let her outside as I went to work, and my husband found her dead less than ten minutes after I left. The vet told us there did not seem to be any trauma that he could see.
She was my best friend and she was my "child." I looked forward to seeing her in the mornings and always looked for her when I got home from work. She loved me unconditionally, and I loved her just as much. My little kitty girl was a big part of my life. My family cannot understand why this is so hard for me.
I am having a lot of difficulty with guilt over not giving her enough attention. I feel I was not being there for her when she died, having to leave her when I went home for holidays. I look all through my house and see places where she should be, but I know she will not be there again. I spend the days wondering if there was some sign of sickness that I didn't see. I keep trying to think if there was anything that I could have done that would have prevented her from dying.
I have been writing in a journal and my husband helped me build a memorial flowerbed over her grave. I think I am getting better, and then the feelings come rushing back in all over again. Are my feelings normal? Is there any way to get over this pain and guilt? It was so sudden, and I guess I thought this day would never come.
Angela
Dear Angela,
Please accept my condolences regarding Sparky. It must have been a terrible shock for you to lose her right after having left her alive and seemingly quite healthy.
From what you describe, you have taken some very good measures toward your healing process with the journaling and grave memorial. You are allowing your feelings and speaking openly and honestly about them. Some days are better than others are. Yet still the hurt returns, along with the guilt and second-guessing. It sounds as if you are aware that your family is concerned about how hard this is for you.... and you are wondering if your feelings are "normal."
I would like to take the opportunity to reassure you that everything you have described sounds like a deeply caring person having a normal grief reaction to losing a precious creature. As you said, you considered Sparky your "child" as well as your best friend. With an attachment that deep, combined with a sudden and unexpected death, the resulting feelings can be quite intense for a long time. In fact, in my opinion, three weeks is not very long at all to be having this intensity of experience.
Your grieving will probably feel a little bit different each day as you come to terms with this tragedy. You can let your family know that you appreciate their concern, but that this kind of healing takes time.
Writing your letter to me, with the description of Sparky serving as a tribute, is also a healing action. If you would like to post a tribute in a special area on the Internet, you can do that here at Beyond Indigo.
May your heart find peace,
Kitty
Ask Kitty is a psychotherapist specializing in grief and loss issues which humans encounter when their pets die. She has worked in this area for a number of years, providing counseling to people at this special time of need. She also provides consultation and education to employees of veterinary clinics in her area.
|
Home
Printer-friendly version
E-mail this article