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Friday July 30,2010

Anniversary reaction

by Kitty Walker, LMSW-ACP

Dear Kitty,

Heavy Heart

Dear Heavy Heart,

I am sad that you are experiencing such a heavy heart at this time. The term for what you are going through is "anniversary reaction," which refers to a saturation of memories and leftover grieving at a particular point in time following the death of a loved one. Usually the one-year point is the most intense, and sometimes it helps just to know that.

I wish our animal companions could live the life span of humans, but unfortunately they are given to us for what seems like a very brief time. Nineteen years is a long time to have a dog, but when she is your best friend, it is still not long enough.

I can tell that you were tuned into her very deeply to be so sensitive about her feelings on that day. When you started out your letter, you said that she was 19 and "forgetting everything," so I want to point out that she probably did not hold on to her bad feelings about your fight with your neighbor or her accident on the floor.

Let yourself have your feelings and know that they will pass. Something I recommend for people struggling at anniversary time is get out the old pictures and put them in a special place. If it feels right to you, write a tribute to the memory of your best friend and post it on our Pet Site here at Beyond Indigo.

Know that you gave your beloved dog many years of love and care, and that she will always be a part of you.

My Best,

Kitty

Ask Kitty is a psychotherapist specializing in grief and loss issues which humans encounter when their pets die. She has worked in this area for a number of years, providing counseling to people at this special time of need. She also provides consultation and education to employees of veterinary clinics in her area.