Welcome Guest
Join here
Members Log-In
Privacy Policy

Friday July 30,2010

Managing A Challenging Elder

by Jacqueline Marcell

Healthcare professionals who haven't personally been through the nightmare of caregiving for a difficult elder may have a hard time comprehending the depth of the heartache and despair that families go through. So often when the doctor sees the "challenging" loved one, they are very pleasant and certainly not the demon that the family describes them to be at home. Since the doctor will not prescribe medications for conditions he doesn't see, the family is sent home to suffer longer than need be.

I have lived this nightmare and can attest to how devastating it is. I was a successful television executive when my life suddenly took a left turn into eldercare and I had to go take care of my aging parents. My once-adoring father turned against me verbally and even physically twice, and I sobbed my heart out to have lost his love. Every professional I turned to did not have the answers, nor the compassion for the solid year of hell I barely survived. Had just one professional understood the complexity of the problem and shown me the way, they could have saved me a lot of tears, time, and our families' entire life savings.

I had been the light of my father's life -- but with the stress of my mother's near-death illness he became abusive, doing and saying things that I would have never believed he could do, especially to me, his favorite. Yet when I'd take him to the doctor, he'd act totally capable, loving and normal. I had grown up on his raging temper tantrums, so I assumed that this was just more of his bad behavior of a lifetime getting intensified with stress and old age, which is was, but it was also the beginning of Alzheimer's Disease. Unfortunately, since I had no experience with any kind with dementia, I just didn't get it.

When my father threw two little dilapidated hand towels at me, screaming and swearing at me for throwing them out, I was stunned and sobbed my heart out. With the knowledge I have now I'd say, "This seems illogical, this seems irrational. BIG flag -- it is!" I wouldn't get mad, I'd realize that I was experiencing a warning sign and I'd haul him off kicking and screaming to the Alzheimer's Association's best recommendation to a geriatric dementia specialist to be evaluated right away. I'd know not to waste time with his regular doctor who didn't specialize in dementia and who wouldn't take the time to do the necessary tests to uncover it.

Recognizing Dementia Symptoms Before It's Too Late

The stereotype of a person with dementia (Alzheimer's is just one of many types) is that of someone who doesn't know what they are doing. That's way down the line, Stage Three (1-3 years), but there is a long road through Stage One (2-4 years) and Stage Two (2-10 years) first. One out of every ten persons by the age of 65 has some form of dementia, and it rises to one out of every two persons by the age of 85. The fastest growing segment of our population is the 85+ group, so there are a lot of elders who need help, and a lot of unprepared families who need professionals who can help them understand the subtleties of the disease.