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Friday July 30,2010

Needs Of The Dying

by Dillion J. Woods, M. Div.

Until the day I die...

I have the need to be treated with the knowledge and respect that this is my life. Until the day I die, I am still an individual and it's right for me to be part of the decisions that concern my care.

Try to let the terminally ill person do things their way. Always ask for their preference when a decision needs to be made. Do not force your will on anyone. Trust that they will let you know how they want to deal with a situation. If they are not being clear, feel free to ask questions and encourage a discussion. Do not judge any decisions a patient has made that you disagree with.

I need to keep a feeling of hope alive in my heart, no matter the circumstances.

Talk about how great something in the future will be. Remind your loved one of what they have to look forward to. Create moments for them to look forward to. Sit with them, walk, and hold their hand while they face the toughest battle of their life.

I need to feel you are the friend you have always been. I need your presence in my life frequently.

Don't avoid a dying friend. At least call and talk a little. Often times people may not know what to say at times like these so they stay away completely. Those who are ill may not always have the energy to have long conversations, so a short conversation will probably be welcome, anyway. It's always nice to hear a friendly voice and be reminded that someone loves you and is thinking of you. Even if you can't be with them often, the flowers, cards and cookies you bring stay with them when you leave.

You may want to call for a shopping list, ask if you can visit for a lunch, ask if they want to discuss what they are going through.

Help the family and children - this is very hard for them too. A terminally ill person needs help from the family in accepting their death and they also need help for the family in accepting their death. At holiday time, join in the celebration by helping to decorate their room. Be creative! Bring a book of your favorite quotes or a homemade cassette tape of your favorite inspirational readings. Your loved one needs you. They are lonely and afraid.

I need to be touched, but please ask permission before you touch too long.

Simply touching a hand or giving a hug can help someone feel supported at this time when they feel very alone. However, there are moments when emotional and physical space is necessary. Don't be hurt if they want to be alone.

I have the need to express my feelings freely.

Support your loved one regardless of whether they laugh or cry. Both laughter and tears of sadness are especially important at this time. Any help you can be to bringing more of this into the life of an ill person is always a welcomed breath of fresh air.